2 Years

Today is 2 years since Hayden passed away. 2 years since we last held him. 2 years since we last heard him cry. 2 years ago since I saw his beautiful blue eyes. My heart is breaking right now all over again. Every year I wish this date wouldn't come. I don't want to go to the cemetery anymore to check my son's final resting spot. I want to go into his room and see his sweet face. I want to be able to tuck him in at night or give him a kiss on his sweet lips. I want to see him talking to his daddy at night after his bedtime bottle. I want to see him work so hard to get a toy. I want to hear his first words, see him doing everything for the first time. Even knows we don't know what he would of been able to do because of his CP. As a mommy of a special needs child we would of cherished everything he did for the first time. I still remember him laying in his isolate looking around. I could always count on him being awake when we were in the NICU. I don't think he ever slept. As soon as his eyes opened when he was two weeks old I am not sure they ever closed. He had that look in his eyes that he was wiser then his age. He taught us alot but as time goes it is getting harder to remember the little stuff about him. Or to find someone to talk to him about. I love when people at work let me talk about him usually it is my customers but they are about the only people and that is a very few of them. I am not really able to talk about him at home anymore and that kills me. It is hard to talk about him but at times it is what I need. I carried him in my belly, I gave birth to him, he will probbly be my last child. He was the baby of the group. When I first found out I was pregnant with triplets I wanted all girls. I didn't want boys. I am so happy I had Preston and Hayden it wouldn't of been the same with three girls. Plus Maddie is enough drama for me. I use to tell Hayden all the time that he was my boo boo. It was because I wanted a little girl and I got Preston and Hayden to. So Preston was bo and Hayden was my boo boo. I would call him my boo boo and he would just laugh. Just please keep us in your thoughts and prayers today as we celebrate Hayden's life. He might of been with us only a short time but he has made an everlasting impression on all of our hearts.

Life isn't fair

Why is it that we have to go through so much at times. I am not talking about my family but everyone. It always seems like those that fight lose the most. I have been following another blog for a couple of weeks now. I read this blog daily and it is basically the first thing I read in the morning. It is about this little girl named Kayleigh. She was born premature and was 1lb 1oz. She sadly passed away yesterday. She was 11 months old and never came home from the hospital. Why do these tiny babies have to fight for everything and then end up passing? But her purpose on this earth is done and she is with Jesus now. These stories always hit me very hard. Of course I have been in these parents shoes. I have done the whole NICU thing, I have fought to have babies, I have also lost a child during pregnancy and then of course my sweet Hayden. This week has been a hard one Hayden will be gone 2 years on Friday. I just want to sleep through rest of the week. I wish I could but I can't so I have to suck it up yet once again and get over it. Please visit this families page and pray for them. Their journey through the grieving process has just started. It doesn't ever get better but we learn to deal with it. My normal wasn't what it was two years ago my new normal started the day we lost Hayden. My new normal sucks in some ways and in others I am also reminded how lucky I am to have what I have.

Maddie had eye surgery

At the start of the year I told the kids to surgery's or hospital visits this year. Well guess who didn't listen to that one. If you guess Maddie you are right. She had to have both eyes operated on today. It was suppose to be a couple of weeks ago but didn't happen. As you know around Christmas time her eyes started crossing. She got put in glasses around January and then eye drops in February. Nothing was working so we had to do eye surgery. We even got to visit a new hospital. Her surgery was done at Nationwide's Children's in Columbus. It was a very nice hospital and looks very big. The staff was wonderful with her and us. The surgery went great. She was out of it for awhile and has had nausea on and off all day. They say that is normal because of the eye surgery. Here are some pictures. It looks very nasty and it makes my eyes hurt. When she got home she was wired for about three hours and then she was out cold. She has been wearing sun glasses all evening but that is because she is cute and goofy.

Gabe's 8th Birthday Party

Last night we went to Chuckie cheese to celebrate Gabe's 8th Birthday. We all had a blast. We had several people show up and celebrate with us. Madison has only been there once and Preston hasn't ever been there. I really didn't think he would like it but he loved it. He didn't even eat he was to busy wanting to do the rides and games. It really great seeing Preston do stuff like other kids. Even knows we had to carry him to one thing to another he still had fun. We would make sure we were there with him the whole time in case he lost his balance. But he did awesome I was very proud of him. He sat on the rides like a big kid and kept his balance the whole time. Gabe had a great time also and I am sure he was worn out. Thanks Mike and Jessica helping out with Preston last night. He is a lot of work but makes it eaiser when others are willing to help him.