Goodbye Buffy!!

This morning we had my parents put our dog down. Buffy has been with me since she was about 6 weeks old and she would of been 15 in March. She was a really good dog and even knows we have not given her alot of attention lately we really did enjoy her. She was a mix breed but she was great with the kids. Most small dogs are real nasty around little kids and she wasn't. She would warn the kids with a growl or something but that is it. She would never try to bite them or anything and the kids could be mean to her. She was sick and it was her time to go. Now she is heaven with Hayden and probbly running like crazy. Hayden when he was with us always wanted to play with her and grab her when she ran by him but couldn't. He is probbly getting all sorts of kisses right now from her and probbly laughing his butt off. We will miss you Buffy and thanks for being such a great dog

Need to vent!!!

I just need to vent and this is about the only place I have to do that. First off today has marked 18 months since I lost my little boy. Today 18 months ago my life changed forever. My baby boy was taken from me I didn't get the chance to tell him goodbye. I was the one that found him in his crib. I was the one that couldn't do CPR and try to save my son. I was the one that freaked out and couldn't do anything. I was also the one that was blessed for 14 months with Hayden. As time goes on their are not that many people that talk about him anymore. It is heartbreaking or when I am telling people about my children I always mention Hayden and tell them that he passed on. I want someone to ask what he was like or something. Not basically run away cause my child passed away. I didn't ask for my child to pass away. But it is something i have to deal with everyday of my life. The first thing I think about when I get up is Hayden and he is also the last thing I think about at night. I thank God every night for my babies and I really know how lucky I am to have them.
When we found out I was having Triplets it was really hard to get excited at first. The first thing's going through your head is how are going to afford three babies, how early are they going to be and several other things. Then as the time went on I got excited how many people can say that they carried triplets or that they have triplets. I also felt very blessed that God gave me these three babies and that he thought I was strong enough to handle them. I think every child is a miracle don't get me wrong but when you see three babies be born that are 16 weeks early you really learn what a miracle is. I watched me babies open their eyes for the first time and they were two weeks old. I watched my daughter fight for her life for over 24 hours and she was maybe 1 pound at the time. These kids have taught me so much and they have taught me not to take life for granted. You do not know what is in store for you and you do not know if tomorrow is a given. I have learned that. If I could of kept my babies in another ten weeks i would of stood on my head and not complained about it. I would change things that happened when I hit that big 24 week mark. i would of gotten out of that bed for another couple of weeks no matter how much physical therapy I would need to regain my strength. What really upsets me are these people that do not listen to their doctors. That think that they are better then everyone else. That nothing will happen to them. I do not wish anything on anyone but some people just do not get it. I tried for over three years to have a baby. I had to take meds to get pregnant. I lost my first pregnancy cause it was an ectopic pregnancy. I then got pregnant with the triplets then watched them fight for weeks to live and still lost one after 14 months. I would of rather had Hayden for the 14 months then not have him at all. Of course i would rather have him still be with us but, I can't change that. Some people just need to wake up and see that anything can happen to them just because you think your crap doesn't stink does not mean anything won't happen to you. And no amount of money is going to change that either. Here are a few pictures of Hayden how I miss him. He was my baby and always will be. I love you baby boy and we will be together again someday.

Preston got his second Cochlear Implant

Well today was a big day for Preston. We left the house this morning at about 5:30am. We went and picked up grandma and off to Cleveland we went. I do not know how anyone lives in that town and deals with the traffic everyday. One time every so often is enough for me and I don't even drive it. We got lost and then got confused in the hospital on where to go. Rainbow children's is hooked to about five other hospitals and if you go the wrong way you are out of luck. We got to where we needed to be late but it was ok. We went back to pre op and sat back there for little more then an hour. He went back to surgery at about 9:40 am and then we all went to another waiting room about 5 minutes away from where he was. Which I didn't care for but they had this Ronald McDonald room and it was for anyone that had a child that was having surgery or was in the hospital. It was pretty nice and we were able to have a pop and wait for Preston. The audiologist came and got us a little after 11:00 am and told us everything went great. They tested his implant before they closed him up and it all went great. In a couple of weeks my baby boy will be able to hear out of both ears. When he got to recovery we went back to be with him and he was asleep. He woke up and we didn't have a very good time. He was pretty cranky of course and his oxygen levels were not the best. We were in recovery for a little over two hours waiting for him to get his oxygen levels up. We got home about 4:30 or so this after noon. Right now he is watching TV with daddy. He is all bandage up and looks like he has been through war. I do not know what they did to him in the Operating room but I am not very happy. I expect some things to happen to him but he is bruised around his eyes and nose and then has a couple of bruises on his chest. This is from the tape that they used for his eyes and the leads that were on him. This has not happened before and it really looks like they must of yanked everything off of him. I am pretty ticked about it. They also did not clean up his face from where the tape was that was holding his breathing tube in place. So he has sticky stuff all over. He did get to have Denny's on his way home and he was starving. Here are some pictures of him.


Picture of him















You can see the bruise on his nose and around his eye
















His other eye